:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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