There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
