So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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