So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
