someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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