Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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