Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
