I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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