I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
