Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
