Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
