Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
