"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
