I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
