did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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