I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
