Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
