I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
