wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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