Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You can't special order awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize