ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
