ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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