Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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