I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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