im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
