I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
