remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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