Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
