It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
