she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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