Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize