just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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