to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
