She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
