what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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