I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We are two peas in an std pod
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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