Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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