She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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