your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
