would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
