i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize