What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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