sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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