made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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