who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So many bounce houses so little time
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
