She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
