you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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