I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
