You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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