I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
