I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
