I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
