I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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