Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
