Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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