Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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