I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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