You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
