one two three fourrrrnication!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
