He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
