cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize