You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
