If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
