Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he puts the penis in happiness.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
