just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Randomize
