oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
